Yesterday I took some time to ponder my lifelong relationship with food and come to the conclusion that it is a pretty unhealthy one, although nowadays I actually eat quite well, it doesn't mean that my relationship with food is healthy. The problem is that food for me isn't just about take it or leave it as a fuel source, or even as a creative "art" if you like, although I can flirt with those aspects of it. Food for me has always been a source of emotional succour, I eat to make myself feel good, each guilty mouthful triggering endorphins, I eat to reward myself or find excuses to arrange a celebration meal, or a cake or whatever. I am also a secret eater, in that whilst I very much enjoy the social aspect of sitting around with friends or family and breaking bread, I am just as happy (or unhappy) shovelling a peanut butter and marmite sandwich into my mouth at 2am when the rest of the world is asleep.
I question of course, exactly what is a healthy relationship with food, is it healthy just to see food as a fuel? I need x calories for y hours = input, or should it be an “if I'm hungry I'll eat” situation?
Food of course is one of the few things that we have absolute control over in our lives, we choose whether or not we put something into our mouths and to a degree we also choose what, or at least everyone has the ability to make the distinction between junk and healthy. So is this fast just an exercise in control, am I doing it for the previously stated "health" reasons, for weight loss, or just because it's an area of my life I can control absolutely? Interesting thoughts, in truth it is a probably a combination of all 3.
I am definitely finding the fast harder this time around, the long fast I did last year I had more of a buzz and I actually felt good, both physically and mentally, if occasionally a little tired (exhausted) but sleep always seemed to rectify that, I would wake up re-invigorated and ready to go for another day.
This time I am a little stupefied, or not as sharp as I would like to be.. I am tired and achy, today to the point of some fairly high level muscle cramps, my fingers and toes curling inward, quads tightening and biceps trying to flex. My friend Google tells me this could be salt depletion, so I will make a visit to the Dr. tomorrow and see what they think.
No progress on returning to ketosis either, which is disheartening.
Weight 183lb
B/P 105/73
Pulse 89
Tomorrow is another day
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